I guess I started on my path to self discovery and sanity about a year ago. I should have started writing down my thoughts and the process at that time. To be honest I wasn’t sure I was on any path until almost overnight I was sane again. I know that must sound strange but it happened just like that. I had been on a synthetic hormone since my young body turned against me and zapped me of my youth, restful nights, sex drive, sound mind and the absence of facial hair. My healthy glow had been replaced with the red face and sweat of the ever prevalent hot flashes. Then with the help of a wonderful friend and newly found love I discovered a new doctor who understood and started me on a new therapy that returned to me all of the above except youth of course. But only a youthful body remained out of my reach. However, my young mind has returned. I sleep at night. My power surges (my word for Hot Flashes) have been replaced by real energy driven power surges. I have hair only where it should be and a healthy sex drive probably more than a woman my age should have. I have learned to love and be loved. That is the most special part of my discovery.
Now, here I sit at Maho Bay on the Island of St. John sitting on a rustic deck with bits of the Caribbean peaking through the vines and trees watching a Doe try and navigate her way past my tent hugging the side of the mountain with her hooves, stumbling from time to time but making her way none the less. Just like I do day to day…I stumble and I even fall but the difference is now I laugh while I am doing it and I never stay down for the count.
Since I separated from my husband three years ago I always travel alone and I love it. Until I find another true traveler (not a tourist) it will remain that way. This vacation is a special celebration not only is it the culmination of my year of discovery, my year of finally making true friends, of living alone for the first time in my life and of finally loving myself as I have only wished others could have. Somewhere in the middle of this vacation is my 60th Birthday. Yes, 60! It is not as difficult to say or to write as I had thought it would be. On the way to St. John, I told many people why I was traveling alone and even what birthday I was celebrating. One ticket agent asked to see my driver’s license to check my birth date one more time…flattering but I am over fooling myself, he was flirting and telling a woman she looks younger than she is I am sure works a lot of the time. But, hey, I still get flirted with and I will not apologize because it still feels good.
Before I begin to chronicle my adventures of this particular vacation I wish to tell you a little about the wonders of being single at 60. (I must use numbers because spelling it our just does not seem to send the same message. Look at it Sixty or 60! Wow, 60 has more power to it.) It won’t take long and is quite simple.
I left home July 3rd, 2008...why? I am not sure. Something just snapped and I knew I had to get out or die old and miserable instead of just old. My husband thinks it was the insanity of menopause but now that I am sane again I know it was not. I still don’t want to go home. I guess you noticed I said husband. Yes, I did. He will not agree to a divorce and will not sell the house I feel I paid for financially and with sweat and blood. What he does do is accept spousal support. Yes, I pay spousal support. Exactly five times what I received in child support from my son’s father. You may ask if that upsets me…well, yes in fact is pisses me off big time. Also, it lets me know I have arrived. I must be pretty damn successful to have to pay a man spousal support. I don’t know one other woman who does that. I tell myself this so when I write that check each month it doesn’t hurt quite so much.
Now to the good part…I live in a high rise building on the river with beautiful views, a few very close friends and when I walk out to leave on a trip (I travel Monday-Thursday weekly) I know that the place will look just like I left it when I return. I apologize to no one for sleeping in, watching TV all day when it rains, doing a poor job of loading the dishwasher, playing my music at 5am or eating in bed, if I am so inclined and I ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT! That is all I have to say about that.
Now to my vacation to celebrate me…first of all I way over packed. Maho is not the place for dress up. I did bring bathing suit cover-ups that are far too cute and skirts and tops that may be a little too dressy. It is much hotter than I remember. I had a tent with ceiling fans and a shower but opted to move out because there was no deck and I could not sit out here like I am doing now and write. So I sweat my ass off at night. At least I can sit outside in the mornings and listen to the ocean at night. I think it is a small price to pay.
It took me three hours to get here after I landed in St. Thomas. Note to self…remember this so you don’t miss your plane next Thursday. I met a wonderful lady 46 years old and very proud. She is a true traveler. I pale in comparison. She has lived with the native population in New Guinea, been to the outback in Australia six times, Borneo, and the list goes on and on. She is leaving here tomorrow and kayaking the islands, then on to Iceland, Greenland and a few other places before returning home in precisely 32 days. I envy her. Note to self…be much more adventurous.
Speaking of adventure…I must get dressed and head out to find some adventure today or this trip will be for naught. Catch you up tonight.
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